oldgraymare (oldgraymare) wrote,
oldgraymare
oldgraymare

Stress List

 Work - may lose my job since i missed boxing day and now missed a shift with no excuse other than my own air-headedness
positive - all i can do is be truthful and say i could have sworn i wasnt booked.  if they fire me, my parents can still pay loans for now.  i will get another job in future.  but in all likely hood i will get a talking to and written up.  i know im a decent dedicated and serious worker, im just going through a very difficult period.

Weight - continuing to lose weight, despite eating three good meals a day, sometimes more and not being at all active.
positive - was always skinny before i started eating crap.  am eating much healthier now.  eating smaller portions now.  still little appetite.  have had numerous blood tests, stomach tests, intestinal tests showing nothing...just keep eating..

foggy head, blurry vision - still cant satisfactorily connect this dream-like feeling with murky vision to anything i can come up with
positive - there are still possibilities, whether i believe them or not.  as im still losing weight, perhaps im just not eating enough to get good energy.  again - just keep eating.  could very well be related to muscle tension, poor sleep.  perhaps its simply a symptom of depression as there is such a thing as derealization.  your brain neverstops, so...

brother - constant worry about his health and short term memory loss
positive - he has done very well since coming home, no night time lows.  a lot of what befell him was his being lazy with his diabetes care, has to be as he is doing very well under my diligent care.  he is still able to take care of himself for the most part.  is very intelligent, young, his memory should come back.

therapy - am becoming more and more skeptical that cbt will work for me
positive - ive never tried it in a more directed setting, or with a support group.  if i take it more seriously and give it my all, perhaps it will work very well and i will feel better.  even if physical symptoms dont go away, at least i will get a better attitude about them and perhaps that will ease them somewhat.

parents - old, tired, stressed over brothers and my health, am worried they could become ill themselves on top of everything
positive - they are fully capable adults.  they can take care of themselves and know whats best for them.  all you can do is be as helpful to them as possible through this time.  the rest is up to them, and is out of your control.  you are their child, they are the parents.  only your mother can stop her over working...
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